You too can be radioactive for just $34.95!

Sometimes, if I am really bored at work, I read Amazon reviews. OK, I also read blogs. But at my primary workplace, blogs are blocked, and I get tired of reading on my smartphone. Luckily, Amazon is not blocked, and a few weeks ago, while waiting for a slow database export, I stumbled across this gem:

Uranium Ore

That’s right, real uranium ore! I found the Product Details very interesting:

Product Features

  • Radioactive Ore Sample
  • License Exempt – low radioactivity
  • Useful for testing geiger counters
  • Shipping compiles to NRC and postal regulations
  • Radioactive minerals are for educational and scientific use only.

 

The product had an average 3.8 stars out of five. Here’s what some users had to say. Surprisingly (or not), none were an “Amazon Verified Purchase.” Hmm….

2,640 of 2,754 people found the following review helpful

I bought this to power a home-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in land-locked lakes around my home town in Alaska. At first I wasn’t sure if this item would (or could) arrive via mail, but I was glad to see it showed up with no problems. Well, almost no problems.

Unfortuantly my mom opened my mail, because she does not respect people’s privacy. She was pretty upset to see Uranium Ore. After a long argument and me running away from home again, she finaly stopped being such an idiot and I was able to get back to work.

The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker.

Here’s the “most helpful critical review”:

7,800 of 7,937 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Great Product, Poor Packaging, May 14, 2009
This review is from: Uranium Ore

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

 It might even be the start of the Zombie Apocalypse:

9 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for creating a zombie apocalypse =), November 20, 2010
This review is from: Uranium Ore

This item works great when trying to create a zombie apocalypse. I tried some on my friend (smeared a little on his big mac when he went to the bathroom) and boom! Instant zombification! Just be careful not to get any in an open cut or in your eyes, because it will turn you into a zombie really fast. My plan is to start a zombie apocalypse so that everyone will get sick and eat each others brains, leaving me the only healthy person and thus leader of the new free world! I wish amazon would ship this product in larger quantities because it would make my plan go so much faster! But at least I was eligible for free amazon prime super savings shipping!

 

But my favorite review of the product had been removed between the time I read it and now! Luckily, we have Google Cache!

Top Reviewer Ranking: 883,002 (Learn More) – Total Helpful Votes: 5 of 5
Uranium Ore by Images SI Inc.

Uranium Ore by Images SI Inc.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars not as advertised, by Osama Bin Laden, April 12, 2012
It’s a trap! I wanted to, uh, liberate the Americans so i bought 800 cans of this and attempted to ship it to my secret fortress in Abbottabad, Pakistan. The delivery guys showed up in a black helicopter and instead of my uranium they brought guns! Please nobody fall for the same trap i did I am stuck in my house now i can hear them shooting downstairs i am hiding here with my wife please don’t kill m-

 

Many reviews mentioned Back to the Future and time travel. Obviously they haven’t read my Saturn Society books! Emmett Brown wrote several reviews. I wonder how?

There actually were a few reviews that said it was good for testing one’s Geiger counter. Although I find it amusing that the shipping “compiles” instead of “complies”… must be the programmer in me. What are some of the most entertaining Amazon product reviews you’ve seen? Would you buy Uranium Ore from Amazon? Oh, and what about some of the products under “Customers who bought this also bought…” LOL!

18 Responses to \

  1. Can’t say I’ve ever read Amazon reviews for entertainment either, but these rank right up there with those emails asking for a safe place to hide the 6 billion dollars American soldiers found in Hussain’s compound. For your bank info they’ll give you a really generous share … and take your for all you’ve got. Do people really believe these kinds of things?

  2. LOL, Stacy and Catherine – this is just the tip of the iceberg! I’m not even getting into books. There are plenty of the stereotypical “bad” self-published books whose reviews could entertain me for hours! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  3. Oh those are funny. At first I’m thinking- who has the time to spend to make up reviews? But then I remember making lots of silly Prince Albert in a can type phone calls when I was in Jr High. I guess it’s the equivalent for this generation.

  4. This is brilliant Jennette. They’re all good, but I particularly like “I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.” That one just cracked me up.

    This reminds me of the time when someone at our chemistry department tried to explain that just because the department had a Nuclear Magnetic Resonance machine, didn’t mean we were developing nuclear weapons. He was doing ok until he mentioned that nuclear meant “from the nucleus” and everything has a nucleus. I should point out that he was in a pub at the time, and he never returned to the place.

    A great laugh, Jennette.

    Cheers!

  5. OMG! How funny!

    The best Amazon product I’ve found to date was a book called “Crafting with Cat Hair.” The reviewers included Publisher’s Weekly, Los Angeles Times and the Associated Press. But the best one was “Put those furballs to work for YOU!”—Suvudu

  6. The Bin Laden review is really hilarious! As if trading for weapons grade uranium can be done over Amazon; if that happens, black markets won’t exist at all.

  7. I’m with Nigel; that half-empty comment was my fave. (And why does Nigel always have pub stories?) Loved this! ROFL. One of the great things about the internet is discovering that people are funny. Lots of people all across the world have a great sense of humor.

  8. Oh my what items there are for sale. Those reviews were hilarious. Thanks for sharing. I agree with you that some of the dumbest book reviews are so bad they’re actually funny.

  9. LOL Nigel! I know not everyone would get it, but I loved the half-life one! Thanks for sharing your funny story too!

    Louise, thanks!

    Lynette – LOL! I have to check out the cat hair book! If only there was one for dog hair…

    Wilson, LOL wasn’t that one great? Especially how it ended… 😀

    Julie, this product seemed to bring out the comedians, didn’t it? Some of the “Also bought” products were hysterical, too!

    Reeta, thanks! One of these days I’ll have to post about what could be the worst book ever… with the funniest reviews!

  10. Jennette, you crack me up! I needed this today! Those reviews were funny! Thank you! Have a great weekend girl! Any day trips involving Camaros coming up? 🙂

  11. Glad you got some LOLs, Jessica! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

    You, too, Karen! I’m sure there’ll be some cruises coming up sometime. Hopefully I’ll be able to fit them in!

  12. I usually skip over the reviews, just looking at the starred rating. So glad you didn’t do the same. These were hilarious! Thank you for a much needed laugh.

  13. Marcy, I have to admit, I usually don’t either, unless it’s something I’m not sure about buying. My daughter clued me in to this one. Glad you enjoyed it!